✩ the war is over, and we are beginning ✩

all the living are dead and the dead are all living

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if we take all these things and we bury them fast
↔ hp: all was well
discovered a beautiful poem during lit today; thought i'd share :)


But what lovers we were, what lover,
Even when it was all over -

the deadweight bull-black wines we swung
towards each other rang and rang

like bells of blood, our own great hearts.
We slung the drunk boat out of port

and watched our unreal sober life
unmoor, a continent of grief;

The candlelight strange on our faces
like the silent tiny blazes

And coruscations of its wars.
We blew them out and took the stairs

Into the night for the night's work,
stripped off in the timbered dark,

Gently hooked each other on
like aqualungs, and thundered down

To mine our lovely secret wreck.
We surfaced later, breathless, back

To back, then made our way alone
up the mined beach of the dawn.

~ Don Paterson

fantastic imagery, especially the aqualungs, the bells/hearts, the wreck, the whole extended sea metaphor. don't think i've found a poem i liked as much in a long while. i mean, basically it's quite physical but at the same time it's so haunting and sad. i love sad poems :(

anyway prelims are coming in less than a month's time! reality has slowly sunk in and now i am super worried because there are so many things to do, like revising and finishing up assignments and tutorials, memorizing bio stuff, rereading my lit texts, finding all the worksheets that have suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, brushing up on current affairs for gp ... this is an endless and extremely daunting to-do list, weeping rn :(

above all there are university and scholarship applications. really fearful/anxious because this is a major crossroads in my life if anything - my future practically hinges on the effort i put in in the next few months. the psc report said i have a tendency to be pessimistic, an observation which i scorned at first but now realise to be partly true. about little things i am relatively optimistic, but when it comes to massive, life-changing stuff, i definitely worry excessively and have a rather gloomy outlook. :(

in a bid to improve my studying efficiency i'm going to ban myself from the comp (ok um maybe half an hour a day at most) from now till end of prelims. so bb gaiz, no more ontd/omona/random site-surfing. again, it's not like i was actively posting in the first place, so for my journal itself this hardly counts as a goodbye.

i'm glad for the national day weekend though, long holiday is looooooooong. need to catch up on my revision! but i'll save some time to watch NDP, hee, it's a fixture on my calendar even though the parade is largely the same each year. during assembly today when there were people in uniform and there was commanding/marching etc i was suddenly reminded of NDP in sec 2 with lucy - having to run into the stadium, with fists clenched and held to the chest, (what an unglam/awkward pose, idek) to the beat of this tuneless song ('loyal citizens of singapore!!! take a stand! for your land!'); standing on the field for a good 1 hour, not moving; trying to make my sweet last for the entire duration; the 4 of us from rg not even being in the parade in the end (lol. noob). obviously i don't miss the rehearsals - they were incredibly long and dreary and standing on the field made me feel faint - but come august i'm always reminded of the commitment and effort that many people put into NDP each year. and on top of that NDP is a time where i tell myself to be grateful to be in Singapore. it's not the most flawless place in the world, but so much here is familiar and comforting to me. i know i'll miss this place if i'm overseas.

rambly post. going to stop slacking now, and prepare myself for waaaaaarrrrrr.

[edit: lol just realised almost all my paragraphs end with a sad smiley face. so here's a massive many-chinned smiley to up the happiness quotient :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))]

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omg that poem is beautiful thanks for posting it!! the rhythm and enjambment is just perfect and oh wowww such beautiful imagery

i am super stressed for uni/scholarship apps too :( frankly i do not think any scholarship board in their right minds would accept me, even from looking at my paper transcripts etc. etc. plus i think i come across a lot better/more impressive irl because i haven't really done that much to pad my CV and the stuff i'm interested in just doesn't even come across on paper...but like, the paper application is first so i seriously doubt i'll have much of a chance. ack pessimism

slow reply is slow sorry but haha i love the poem :) :) love the title too, wreck just sounds so tragic and foreboding and dramatic.

yeah :(((( plus idk what to write for personal statements/admissions essays etc, so worried right now :(

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