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✩ the war is over, and we are beginning ✩

all the living are dead and the dead are all living

there is thunder in our hearts
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spent my weekend rereading deathly hallows after wc told me she spent the night reading it lol :) *weeps* epic book is epic!!! cannot wait for the movie i hope it's makes me weep/etc. have been suffering from post-prelims inertia, there's nothing i feel like studying for but somewhere ~a clock is ticking~ and there are so many things to dooooooo

Notable Recent Events in my otherwise boring life: I AM 18 (momentous)!!! watched shock labyrinth: house of horrors (what an awesome title but neither shocking nor horrific, i'm sorry to say); cut my hair and now i have an asymmetrical fringe ... anyway in the course of mugging for prelims i have been listening to kate bush's wuthering heights and wailing along, i luv it loads! i've just found some of her other songs, too - running up that hill is amazing!!

erpz uninteresting post is uninteresting

if we take all these things and we bury them fast
↔ hp: all was well
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discovered a beautiful poem during lit today; thought i'd share :)

THE WRECK

But what lovers we were, what lover,
Even when it was all over -

the deadweight bull-black wines we swung
towards each other rang and rang

like bells of blood, our own great hearts.
We slung the drunk boat out of port

and watched our unreal sober life
unmoor, a continent of grief;

The candlelight strange on our faces
like the silent tiny blazes

And coruscations of its wars.
We blew them out and took the stairs

Into the night for the night's work,
stripped off in the timbered dark,

Gently hooked each other on
like aqualungs, and thundered down

To mine our lovely secret wreck.
We surfaced later, breathless, back

To back, then made our way alone
up the mined beach of the dawn.

~ Don Paterson


fantastic imagery, especially the aqualungs, the bells/hearts, the wreck, the whole extended sea metaphor. don't think i've found a poem i liked as much in a long while. i mean, basically it's quite physical but at the same time it's so haunting and sad. i love sad poems :(

anyway prelims are coming in less than a month's time! reality has slowly sunk in and now i am super worried because there are so many things to do, like revising and finishing up assignments and tutorials, memorizing bio stuff, rereading my lit texts, finding all the worksheets that have suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, brushing up on current affairs for gp ... this is an endless and extremely daunting to-do list, weeping rn :(

above all there are university and scholarship applications. really fearful/anxious because this is a major crossroads in my life if anything - my future practically hinges on the effort i put in in the next few months. the psc report said i have a tendency to be pessimistic, an observation which i scorned at first but now realise to be partly true. about little things i am relatively optimistic, but when it comes to massive, life-changing stuff, i definitely worry excessively and have a rather gloomy outlook. :(

in a bid to improve my studying efficiency i'm going to ban myself from the comp (ok um maybe half an hour a day at most) from now till end of prelims. so bb gaiz, no more ontd/omona/random site-surfing. again, it's not like i was actively posting in the first place, so for my journal itself this hardly counts as a goodbye.

i'm glad for the national day weekend though, long holiday is looooooooong. need to catch up on my revision! but i'll save some time to watch NDP, hee, it's a fixture on my calendar even though the parade is largely the same each year. during assembly today when there were people in uniform and there was commanding/marching etc i was suddenly reminded of NDP in sec 2 with lucy - having to run into the stadium, with fists clenched and held to the chest, (what an unglam/awkward pose, idek) to the beat of this tuneless song ('loyal citizens of singapore!!! take a stand! for your land!'); standing on the field for a good 1 hour, not moving; trying to make my sweet last for the entire duration; the 4 of us from rg not even being in the parade in the end (lol. noob). obviously i don't miss the rehearsals - they were incredibly long and dreary and standing on the field made me feel faint - but come august i'm always reminded of the commitment and effort that many people put into NDP each year. and on top of that NDP is a time where i tell myself to be grateful to be in Singapore. it's not the most flawless place in the world, but so much here is familiar and comforting to me. i know i'll miss this place if i'm overseas.

rambly post. going to stop slacking now, and prepare myself for waaaaaarrrrrr.

[edit: lol just realised almost all my paragraphs end with a sad smiley face. so here's a massive many-chinned smiley to up the happiness quotient :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))]

there's a drumming noise inside my head
↔ hp: the boy who lived
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it's been three months since my last post, wow, idek. all i've been doing on lj recently is reading my fpage and scouring for new music.

anyway the point of this post is to announce that Eden Li (most definitely incredible, to quote big bang) is truly a Shopping Prophet! it was her strange and wondrous dream (involving lime green wedges for $20) which led me to a NEW BAG; it is blue and gorgeous and BEAUTIFUL and i am running out of adjectives, lol (omg edit: i found it on the aldo website, it looks even better irl~). we had to run back to school from bishan for the US university admissions talk, and this, along with pe today, was the first form of exercise i've done in a long while. thanks bb here's a post dedicated to you, still owe you almond jelly! :)

CT2 is now over but tbh i'm really worried for prelims/A levels/THE FUTURE, in general. this year is flying by too fast.

darling i'm tired, and i should be leaving
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some days i really feel like talking to someone, anyone but most of the time when i get any of these moments i realise that i don't know what to say. maybe what i want to say, what i need to say can be summed up in a few words: 'i'm tired' or, 'today sucked'. naturally the response to such lines would be a concerned 'why' and then i'd find that i don't know the answer, or, perhaps, more accurately, the reasons are too many and i don't want to list them all. i guess there are days when i just want to tell someone how i'm feeling without having to address the reason behind these emotions. it actually sounds kind of cowardly to me, y'know, avoidance of issues and all that, but idk, i'm scared of a great many things.

the past few days have been draining which is strange because i haven't even been very busy recently, and all in all my life hasn't been going particularly badly. ct grades weren't fabulous but with the exception of chem everything else was okay, even kind of good (if i do say so myself, hee). the last NAPFA of my life is OVER AND DONE WITH. i've fixed my cracked phone screen, finished my math and chem homework and watched 2 movies in the past week. also, chicago this friday! so everything actually seems pretty fine and dandy - i just felt a bit gloomy on the way home today. thank god a bath fixed that, i feel better now. :)

anyway the recent university/career talks have got me all worried. :( it's quite mindblowing to know that in a year's time i would have been done with my A levels and received my results. i feel old! i miss rg, when i didn't have to worry so much about the future.

i think our lives have just begun
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can't believe it's already february but 2010's been really great so far:

1. andrew bird
a nervous tic motion of the head to the left~~

2. muse
muse was AMAZING; they were definitely worth the 2h+ wait and being dead to the world the next day. i've been listening to so many muse songs and i can't decide which ones are my favourites. there are too many! ILU MATT BELLAMY. (lol, that sort of rhymed.) and of course, there was the awesome company. ilu gaiz, the concert wouldn't have been so fun without all of you ♥

3. FRIENDS! ♥
luff y'all. srsly. :)

in other news, i had goodtiemz yesterday at take 5 and with lovely people afterwards. ♥ i am slightly sunburnt though!

it's the first day of chinese new year tomorrow, i swear i'm going to get fat from the next few days:) am looking forward to the angbaos and my #1 indulgence, the lovely pineapple tarts. (i think i'm going to try and bake them next year) gong xi fa cai to everybody! xoxo. <3 this is such a happy post :) :)

take back the city for yourself tonight
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i suddenly felt like i should post here - like a merry (belated) christmas, oh look it's the end of the year sort of post - so here i am :) i haven't updated this place in 2 months, the latter of which, i realise, was spent mostly out of singapore.

overseas from coast to coast~Collapse )

photos soon! i'm too lazy to pick out the good photos and to resize them, but i promise a photos post because europe is too pretty. :D

anyway, i'd thought of posting a reflection post for the year, but now i feel that, were i to post a long, honest and introspective entry, it would be best kept private. a lot of things happened in 2009, and all in all i can't say it was a good year - for me, at least. there were definitely a lot of happy moments, but then there were times when i felt so tired of everything. certainly it was a very quick 365 days (or 364 thus far, if you wish to be precise) - just 2 days away from the new year. 2010 seems to be a very busy and scary year, but what's a year but a number, right? i will be positive :)
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peekaboo.
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i see the light surrounding you
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two thousand and nine scrapbook.Collapse )

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